The First Step is the Hardest

My name is Donna, and I'm a food addict. There. I said it.

A few weeks ago in church, after the message, the Pastor said he felt like there were people in the congregation who were struggling with addiction. It may be alcohol, it may be drugs, or it may be food. I couldn't tell you what the message was about, I only remember those last parting words. "God wants to help you with it."

Addiction to food? Me? It couldn't be.....could it? Yes, it could and it is.

I think that I was born a food addict. My Mom talks about when I was a baby I used to be done with my night time bottle by the time she got to the bottom of the steps. I'd throw the bottle out of my crib, down the steps, and yell, "more."

When I got older, I can remember scouring the cupboards, the cookie jars the refrigerator for anything I could find. I didn't care what it was, I just needed to eat.

We used to have a pantry that my Dad built under the basement steps to make use of otherwise wasted space. I can remember sitting in that pantry, door shut, eating a bag of dry seasoned croutons that my Mom used to make Thanksgiving stuffing. What 7 year old would do that? Me. It's not that I particularly liked them, but they were there.

When my grandmother came to live with us, so did her big freezer. I would eat the frozen Ellio's Pizzas right out of the freezer. Looking back I find it appalling, but at the time, as I recall, it was a real high.

As a teenager, on the weekends I would babysit. The first thing I would try to think of when pondering how to spend my meager earnings, was did I want to buy something to eat at the mall, or did I want to get something to eat from the sub shop.

It seems like my whole life has been based around what to eat. Even now, before we're finished eating dinner, I'm wondering what we'll have for dinner the next night. It's never ending.

Well, now that I do recognize that this isn't just an I can't stick to a diet problem, but a far greater disease, I know I need to begin to dig deep inside myself and try to figure out where this comes from and what steps I need to take to remedy it. And, most importantly, to let God help me with it.

Since I'm a Diabetic, I battle a double-edged disease. Both of them are, literally, killing me.

Whew. Admission is the most humiliating part. Now that I've confessed my secret to you, I invite you to follow along on my path to recovery. If you have suggestions on how to help me, I welcome them; if you are an addict yourself, well, let's do this journey together; and, if you want to pray for me, I covet them.

God bless you, and thanks for taking the time to read my story.....the first little bit of it.