I HATE FOOD!

OMG! Yesterday I saw myself. I avoid mirrors at all costs, except of course to apply a very sparse layer of make-up. We do have a full length mirror on the back of the bathroom door; however a robe is hung strategically over it whereby keeping perspective viewing at a minimum!

I was walking out the mall doors to the parking lot, and noticed a store to my left. I turned my head to see what the store was, and, OMG, what I saw made me sick. It was me. Bigger, wider and rounder than I've ever been in my life.

To say that "I hate food" is a misnomer. I love food, and, there my friend, lies the monumentous problem. I recently read an article about a lady who was a food addict. She learned that flour and sugar were here triggers, and that for the last 15 years she has consumed none of either product. So, I started to think about what my triggers were. Was it sweets? Was it breads or donuts? It turns out it's EVERYTHING. I took a long time to think about this, and it just didn't matter what it was. It could be bacon, turkey, eggs, candy bread or fruit. It just didn't matter. It is whatever is most easily accessible.

Now to me, that reminds me of an alcoholic or a drug addict. Doesn't it to you too? So, then, what's worse? Someone who consumes a six-pack of beer or fifth of vodka; a couple of joints or lines of coke or a handful of pills; or consumes enough food in one day to equal the fat and calorie content for 2 days in one.

I don't think that God would really say there was much difference. It's all sin. I'm a Christian and to look at myself and see such blatant sin in my life not only is breaking my heart, but I know it breaks the heart of the One who created me.

The problem is, that while society looks negatively at the problem of obesity in our world, which they should, it seems to also be much more "acceptable" than addictions of substance.

My ex-husband was an alcoholic. He hid it from me for a long time, so it took me a while before I recognized it. This is how I found out: I had been in the hospital for an extensive time. When I came home I opened the refrigerator to see what kind of a grocery list to make. I was abhored to find a completely stocked refridgerator of beer. All kinds of beer. Bud light and not light; Corona and a bag of limes; Coors light and not light. So, I immediately got busy emptying all the beer down the kitchen drain and thinking to myself how awful this was. Later when putting away laundry I found my ex's old buddies Jim and Jack hiding in his closet underneath of his work shirts and pants. Wow, now he's hiding the liquor too. This is awful.

Cut to me....all of the hidden food behind other foods in the refridgerator; my own "secret stash" of chips or fritos or tastykakes or cookies hidden in, under and around things all over the house.

I now am experiencing the same disgusting feeling I felt when I saw or the beer in the fridge and the liquor in the closet. Only now it's me and it's food.

This has got to stop. I'm working so hard to understand the "why's" of all of this.

I took a big step Sunday. I put a prayer request in the offering plate saying, "Please pray for me. I have a food addiction and it's killing me." I even put my name and phone number on it. Then, later that day, I came clean with my best friend Sherry. She's been there with me through so many of my trials and tribulations, so I guess you could say she's my "sponsor." I've talked with my sister about this as well. She knows what addiction is like; she quit smoking all by herself. If she can do that, I can do this.


Sherry says sin is sin and we all have our own to deal with. She's right. This is a spiritual problem, but it's also a problem very deeply rooted in my 47 years of living. Now it's time to get the root out. I wish it were as easy as getting a bottle of Weed B Gone and just spraying it on myself. I think this is going to require a little more work than that!

So, more of my secrets are coming out everyday. Please continue to pray for me, and let me know if you have any comments or suggestions.